A Piece of My Day

1.5: The last time…

Posted on: Tuesday, 4 January 2011

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Dear Mom,

The last time I stood here was about five years ago. The last time I stood here, I was surrounded by about 200 people who loved and admired you, and we shouted out words of resurrection – words of faith. The last time I stood here, I plucked a pansy blossom from the garden and threw it into the hole, and some dirt, and I said the Ash Wednesday words – “Remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return.” The last time I stood here, I watched a white butterfly hover and dip around the hole – a visible reminder of resurrection life from the grave. The last time I stood here, I could hardly grasp that you were gone.

I stood here yesterday, and I marveled again at the beauty of this place. I stood here yesterday, and I knew that you loved the snow, and so I was glad for the snowscape covering the flower beds. I stood here yesterday, and I missed you still, and I felt a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes, but – somehow – the grief was not overwhelming as it once was. I stood here yesterday, and reflected on all which has happened and all we have celebrated since 2005, and I marveled at the strength and the joy which I’ve been given through God’s grace.

 And so – like life itself – it is all a mix. There is loss, but strength is found, and remains. There is sorrow, but joy comes in the morning, and remains. There is death, but life beautifully and wonderfully emerges from the grave, and we are here, and what remains is the Easter refrain: “Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!”

With my love,

K

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